Now that the air which Mother Nature breathes out of her lungs has the season of fall virus huffed all over it, it seems as though the sun takes its time rolling out of bed in the mornings. As a matter of fact, it hits the sack early every night too. I have also noticed that the heat ball in the atmosphere will pull the shades to its windows down every afternoon by covering the sky with overcast clouds and take a little nap. Why don’t you just become a snow bird like every other senior citizen and winter out in Arizona? I only see your face once in a while during this time of the year, but if I could imagine below the belt line, I would probably suspect that you even style the socks with sandals look as well. Um, P.S. when I was at the bank on the third of the month, I don’t think you recognized me standing to the side of you in line while you had funds from your social security deposit dispersed in cash form. I can understand though, because the wrap-around sunglasses that you now sport kind of cut down on your peripheral vision—not that your age has anything to do with it.
How much do you think you contribute to a person’s road rage as you drive your Buick Roadmaster station wagon 20 mph in a 40 mile an hour zone? Check out people’s statuses lately on facebook and you’d probably get a pretty good idea. Feel free to leave a comment on one if you so desire by saying, “The way I drive is part of the ‘all day program’ so don’t be jealous if you are not a member.” I understand that you had to pay a hefty fine for parking in a handicapped spot. Before you step out of your car next time, I’d advise you to hang that little permit on your rear view mirror that publicly states (in your case), “I’m an elderly person. I have lived long enough that I no longer need to look both ways before crossing the street; so, I just keep my foot shacked up with the gas pedal. Don’t mind my turn signal flashing constantly—I’m just trying to drain some of the blinker fluid since it’s a little over full. And, yes, that is a slow moving vehicle sign on the back of my ride.”
I ran into Jesus and God the other day and they were both looking over retirement home brochures pricing out some different options that may affect your living arrangements. This might actually work out for the best because I heard that they have in-house bingo and bridge clubs. Hopefully, you can fit that into your schedule there since they have the residents eat about a 1,000 meals a day. Half of those lunches are pills and the other half edible yet unidentifiable.
It’s not a sign of weakness to wear a hearing aid you know. They make these devices so small and invisible that people don’t even know you wear one. I say this because last night the weather man stated that it was going to be mostly sunny, and you never showed up. Now, I don’t want to fault the weather man because Doppler technology is only human, but I feel if you would have had your ears turned up a notch or two, you would have probably shown up for work at a place other than Wal-Mart as a greeter. You come out for a split second and then disappear. It’s like you have Alzheimer’s, walk into our living rooms, forgot what you came in for and then leave. Either that, or you look at the five day forecast and see that you are NOT on the schedule to work, decide to leave early and still receive wages because you are on salary.
Congress sees the hole in the ozone layer, smells the stench of nicotine in the air from your pipe puffing, and they still didn’t slap one of their regulations on your wrist. It’s not that they care about you personally; they just want your vote this November. So, don’t take it as a compliment or form of respect for the elderly. With that last zing written in the cool, crisp environment of blogosphere, I sign off.
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