Don't Be A Stranger

The weekend has packed up his things and left us once again like a bad break-up.  He has been told several times that a key is hidden underneath the mat on the doorstep, and encouraged to drop in during the middle of the week for a little visit or preview.  He informed me that this action would be unconstitutional, and therefore, against his right to free assembly; especially when told when and when not to make an appearance.   Obviously, with a response such as that, an order to cease and desist from sleeping around with the Tea Partiers would be a recommendation he should consider following.  If you were to ask me how my last weekend was, my answer would probably be as mixed as the referee call to the field goal attempt during the Mississippi St., Florida football game last Saturday.  One part of me said, “It’s good!” and the other half exclaimed, “No good!”, and after seeing a different perspective, the good conforms to the bad; unfortunately the weekend fleshed out the role of a Debbie Downer.  Wanting to partaay and shake my bootaay, he instead desired to curl up on the couch and flip through 100,000 channels of shows portraying as much action as a test pattern.  Thanks in part, to Dish Network and their “Let’s Watch T.V.” slogan.  Is there a template that a weekend comes prepackaged with and, like a cold-calling salesman, fans out a stack of brochures on the kitchen table of an ideal situation?  Such a fast talker Mr. Weekend is.  Coming and going so fast that I really couldn’t make out what he would look like in a police lineup.  Too bad he still wasn’t dressed up in that Milton Bradley Rich Uncle Pennybags costume that he showcased last Halloween and hand deliver a “Get out of jail free” card to me some time ago.  If water boarding was still legal, he would be a master at it in his own way, hands down, with his “No rest for the wicked” philosophy and constant torture of nominating me to labor during his stay.  From time to time, though, he can demonstrate a “Best in Class” quality of schmoozing when major holidays are observed during his tenure.  Apparently, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.  The occasional slipping a little “green cabbage” with some prez portraits on ‘em in the pockets of Memorial Day and Labor Day is a great investment for him.   Thank you!  You got my vote for a fist pump.  I’m sure that this contribution is figured in my payroll tax deductions one way or another.