Discussion on Its Death Bed

There are topics that have been talked about to death, so I thought that I would dig a grave, bury them, and put a nice little headstone over the site by chatting about ‘em some more.  Don’t you hate it when people just don’t let an issue R.I.P., but instead they will put the little paddles on the chest of the discussion and yell, “CLEAR”? Check its pulse because it has been out to the world for some time, and yet conversationalists will try to revive it by giving the Heimlich Maneuver to something that has choked on its own vomit because even IT’S sick and tired of hearing the same old’ same old’ mutterings.  A new way of doing C.P.R. has come out.  We should perform that new task on subjects that have lived as long, if not longer, than that of the Simpsons cartoon show.  What a novel idea!  I’ll try it and you can watch.  It will be like the “I’ll wash you dry” philosophy of speech.  All you talk radio hosts, columnists, and bloggers, just go back to the meat room of yak, pick a side of beef that’s already hanging lifeless (Ground Zero Mosque, Christine O’Donnell, etc.) and beat the living death out of it with some more tongue lashing, pencil scribbling and computer keyboard stroking.  In fact, you should all line up together in the form of a funeral procession (Rush Limbaugh can lead the way) and one by one pull each hearse to the side of a bridge and drop the bodies of overdone talk into the river.  Law enforcement, better known as the FCC, will applaud you for it instead of slapping the cuffs of fines on your wrists.  For some reason, an assumption is made that one can get more mileage out of some of these topics than a DeSoto automobile produced in the early 20’s.  Apparently, the ride of chatter never breaks down and always has the manufacturer’s warranty still active.  Look in the distance, conversers, I see the twinkling cherry lights above the wrecker, and it appears to be towing away talk that has overheated on the side of the airwaves.  Find a matter that has the new car smell to it and fresh off the assembly line—just not a Toyota of talk.  Yes, there are a dime a dozen of these, but they are already death traps.  It would be a defeat in purpose to choose something authentic that is already hooked up to the heart monitors.  I guess the new thing today is taxidermy of talk.  Once it is dead, let’s stuff and stow it in the corner where we can glimpse at it and gossip about it until the tears run down its cheeks and begs, “Pleeeeeease, juuuust let me diiiiiie!” Read the will of conversation.  I believe it clearly states that it would like to be cremated, but you thought that clause looked out of place like a physician calling “Dial a Nurse” for medical advice.  Talk is cheap.  I think even in this economy you could afford a new list of focuses to cover.  Go window shopping.  Something will grab you attention, and pretty soon you will be singing “how much is that doggy of discussion in the window?”