I would like to thank you, the reader, for taking time each day to read the posts that I put on this blog. For some, it probably brings a line laugh line or two on the ol’e funny bone, others it helps cut down on the consumption of sleep aiding drugs. For me, it brings sweet relief. I use this as a vehicle to direct some of that sarcasm that I can’t steer properly in REAL life without entering into a verbal brouhaha, and direct it in a way that is therapeutic. In fact, after composing such a “treatment,” it’s as if I rubbed my whole body down with Flexall Maximum Strength 454. Did you like that? I pulled that one right out of the clear blue sky. Just yanked it out. Yanked it like Katie Perry’s skit with Elmo on Sesame Street.
OOOOKAAAAY…AAAAwkwaaaard silence…
I’m kinda glad that you could hear a pin drop after what I just said once that silence crept in for a little visit. It gives me something to chat about for a minute or two. Awkward silences are social interactions with a touch of nausea. They put a little Alka-Seltzer fizz in the tummy juices of social meetings. It’s a Hoveround wheelchair of talk that suddenly loses battery power RIGHT in the middle of the pedestrian crossing. A teleprompter that suddenly becomes camera shy. The conversation that folds like a bad hand in poker. An “F” bomb that social interaction drops between you and your homies; an awkward moment accompanied with its cousin awkward silence. (At least that’s what Reverend Jesse Jackson described it as after his comments he made about Obama on LIVE television) Better known as the pause button on the VCR of conversation, pushing it on the remote just to see the reaction as awkward silence tip toes on speech as if it were weaseling around landmines. It’s a social situation on the side of the road with hazard lights flashing like a car in desperate need of AAA. Awkward silence is social communications “stoned” on pot. It’s also known as Conversation sitting like a sad puppy in front of the baggage claim carousel looking for its lost luggage. Well, that’ll teach you for flying in coach on United Airlines now, wont it! The proverbial dead-end in the conversation that even Google maps didn’t see coming. It’s a two-party speech which suddenly became a statistic in the Wall Street Journal’s unemployment numbers. (Don’t worry; I heard that being without work in this country has numerous benefits. All paid; compliments of the U.S. taxpayer) Awkward silence is that prompting that yells, “The Best OF conversation” which fills the gap of empty balloons above social contacts. It’s the “Be Back in 5 Minutes” sign that social interaction post on its front door in order for it to regain composure. An interaction clipping along at hearty speeds with a sudden sprain ankle, pulled muscle or slipped disk in the back. (Insert Brett Farve’s NFC Championship performance against the New Orleans Saints here) Conversation that is thrown into the water and can’t swim due to the deflated blow-up muscles on its arms. It’s like one of those annoying dropped calls or dead zones. (Here’s to you, Sprint—The Now Network. You guys walked right into that one) Awkward silence is orchestrated drama in social interactions’ silent movie. Social relations suffering from a quadriplegic tongue. It’s conversation in the middle of a social interaction whose smile exhibits a snaggletooth. I think you are getting the jest of where I’m going with this.
It suddenly got really quiet. I just told awkward silence to go to H-E-double hockey stick by telling it, “Mum’s the word.” It’s out like a light and sleeping like a baby.
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