The dancers in Little Orphan Annie had a spring in their step that was JUST admirable. Buuuuut….Unfortunately, we’re not going to discuss that issue in today’s reading. The blinking cursor to Microsoft Word held a protest outside my keyboard in demonstration against topics more feminine than a roundtable gathering on the set of the View. What we ARE going to chit-chat about, however, is the jingle that can originate from the pocket. There’s nothing wrong with having a little playlist of songs that derive from the Levi 40 Regulars now and again; especially when it’s the vocal perfume of some of our dead Presidents. Although I have to say, Honest Abe, you were a little pitchy at times. That acapella clanging of metals rubbing shoulders with each other is music to the ears of pants as Michael Jackson’s moonwalk was footed love making to the floor.
Since I have a sincere interest in contributing some currency cabbage to the Federal Communications Commission, I thought it would be fitting and proper to shoot my mouth off like a gun owned by an NRA member concerning a certain type of money issued by our neighbor to the north. In fact, when the moment arises and satisfying the fines slapped on my wrists by this Commission is an order, I want to come in person with a handful of Canadian change with melody in my voice as I say, “Yooouuure Weeelcoooome!” Aretha Franklin obviously didn’t have canuck coin in HER pocket when she sang the lyrics, “Oooo, your kisses sweeter than honey And guess what? So, is my money.” Because unlike the U.S. mint’s productions that have the engraving of “In God We Trust,” Canadian coin has the scent that screams, “Return to Sender!” People have an inbred sense to recognize Canadian change when it is handed to them for payment, and it’s like giving an obscene gesture when used as an exchange for a product or service. Why is that? What is it about this coin that makes it such a taboo? I don’t know…Do I look like fricking Ask Jeeves.com? If I had all the answers I could tell you why the economical GDP still severely suffers from erectile dysfunction.
Three magic words that were associated with the game Battleship always scroll across my mind’s eye whenever I pawn this forbidden change to a cashier or customer: Hit and Sunk--like the seat cushion belonging to Rush Limbaugh. It is an accomplishment that should be mentioned in response to a behavioral question during a job interview. Give me an example of how you were able conduct a well-composed ponzi scheme. Well, just recently I noticed a sale on generic cola. When paying for it, I was a smidge short so I dug around my pocket (trying not to look like that kind of a pool shark) and scraped up some spare change. It just so happened that one of the coins was of Canadian descent—an illegal immigrant in the form of moolah. Realizing this, I smuggled it with some regular pah-ching and skillfully passed it through to the clerk. You’re a real Bernie Madoff, now aren’t ya! Whatever POOFS! the genie out the lamp, right?
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