'Little People, Big World'

During the Easter egg scavenger hunt last week, Funny Bone Laugh Lines found a few “deposits” left by the Easter bunny as it dispersed traditional gifts.  (Lab tests have shown that the “beanie babies” originated from a male 2009 model of the wannabe rodent family)  A stiff budget must have paralyzed the spending habits of the rabbit this year because of the clipped out coupon surplus that were left enabling this blog to be thrifty by saving 99 cents on Glade air fresheners.  Apparently, when the icon of the spring holiday drops a hint that writing has a scent of amateurism to it and leaves incentives to purchase sweet smelling refurbishments, better consider following through on its advice. 

This week’s discussion puts the spotlight on members of the sentence that come with strings attached, coined the nickname “stipulations” and could easily audition as a roadblock in reading if given the opportunity.  Let’s give a nice warm welcome that’s been smooched-to-death by sarcasm to the man of the hour in this blogged roast named Small Print. 

Small print, you’re the creeper in the world of literacy driving an old conversion van that hides out behind the bushes of words and stalks what has already been written.  A thug that positions itself at the end of a dark alley known as the sentence, and classified by readers as the Debbi Downer of phrases.  Your speech is muffled by legal slurs and often shrugged off like a professional team from the state of Minnesota.  It reclines in the prostrate position like an old man on the bottom bunk of passages, yet frisky as a poodle in heat with its impersonation of the “gotcha journalism” that McCain once accused a news anchor of having during an interview with Vice President hopeful Sarah Palin.  In the world of written English, it’s the “tool”, douche bag and deadbeat boyfriend to the drop-dead gorgeous woman of words.  (Funny Bone Laugh Lines begins to play a slideshow of Frank Gifford pictures)  The parasite in paragraph form at the bottom of a two-for-one discount that sucks the blood out of written enthusiasm—latter often mistaken for the watching of Katie Couric presenting the news at the end of the day.  A second-hand serenade of statements that has a monotone voice, no personality, the prude put to vocabulary—a grammatical look-alike to Speaker of the House John Boehner without the eye raindrops.  Fine print is like a sting operation set to words—not to be confused with the Elliot Spitzer biography.  With looks blander than Denny’s eggs-over-easy and dressed in clothed language more boring than the Royal Wedding, small print makes Michelle Obama think she is seeing her reflection in a mirror when reading it.  Due to the brushing-off effect readers may offer it, fine print has frequently been dubbed the “comb over” of words with sentence follicles that barely cling at the end of scripting.  Not everybody has time on their hands like the eliminated San Antonio Spurs from the NBA playoffs to read legal jargon as if it’s Johnny Cochran reincarnated into writing.  The antagonist of words that sits in the background with arms crossed killing the moment like an infant gracing the public with “Terrible Two’s” stage of life. Disguised as Dr. Jekel whose philosophy throughout the end of an advertisement is “Livin’ the dream” with “giving the bird” as its peace sign.  Small print is known as the Emmanuel Lewis of writing due to height the size of Mary-Kate Olsen’s meal portions in grammatical society.  It carries a persona that spits on you at the end of an ad as if to say, “Over my dead sentence-structured booty are you getting a good deal!”  

This blog signed a deal with the above-described devil and let small print pull down the curtains by saying, “Read this post of lesser or equal value and lose your sanity .  Not valid at any blog outside of Funny Bone Laugh Lines.  Only good through the moment you finish this statement.”