Flower Power

I haven’t paid a visit to Funny Bone Laugh Lines in a few weeks, yet the ol’ Internet Explorer could still navigate the information highway and decipher the exact path en route to this blog—with a little help from a scent called “lack of maintenance” that permeated from its front yard of course.   The ever-so-present tall grass occasionally reaping the benefits of an interest bearing deposit in the form of dog pooh that randomly fertilized parts of the lawn by giving it a greener/richer look, debris and the dreaded Devil in disguise called the Dandelion were all well-known landmarks to helping in the search of this site seeping with sarcasm—but now to topic “A” on the discussion list.

The Dandelion is the acne breakout to what was better known as a well manicured lawn.  An offspring of the flower turned white trash.  They can blindside grassy plain properties and come dressed as an entrée consisting of a five-fingered-fist punch with indigestion; simply defined as nature’s way of kicking the yard in the ovaries.  It’s the high school dropout of flowers with a face like Sally Jesse Raphael, tacky as customers portrayed on peopleofwalmart.com and obnoxiousness similar to Ed Schultz on the airwaves.   A bad rash to the lawn—its acquisition of an STD—or compatible to the ABC network picking up a bad pilot episode and succumbing to its failure.  They’re a flowered version of an annoying set of in-laws that get stormed-in during a holiday get together.  Has the annoying equivalence to the voice of PBS’ character Lamb Chops, and keeps coming back after cuts like the “Song That Never Ends” sung by Sherri Lewis’ hand puppets.  The quantity of this flower outside house fronts is representation to the number of times Harold Camp will predict the world is going to end with his miscalculations.  Nicknamed Tiger Wood’s revealed many mistresses due to the way Dandelions pop-up on a homeowner’s grassy yard like a cheap University of Phoenix internet ad.  Weeds of the yard dressed in summer-casual clothing that was attained only through its bargaining at garage sales and shop-‘til-you-drop thrift store purchases.  Elderly plants of this genre turning the lawn into a Del Boca Vista senior retirement living premises, with their symmetrical fuzzy heads, imitating a hairdo comparable to that of the famous Prairie Public Television painter Bob Ross, give the front yard the “growth spurt with a walker and social security check” look.  And when deceased, these ghetto hand-picked flowers symbolize the skeleton in the closet of the yard—kind of like Newt Gingrich’s life set to lawn.

Spring time gets tangled by the fraudulent fellow of the flower each year, and each year this Dandelion returns to the lawn and defiles it like a dog returning to its vomit and chows down like a Thanksgiving meal.   I guess you could say in a way that this plant is like the Cadbury bar when it told Naomi Campbell to move over ‘cause there’s a new diva in town.  Since Kobe was not informed of the Lakers’ hiring of a new head coach, did anybody get his opinion if this was alright?